Seeking the Kingdom on Earth

Hydrangeas

I know that Christ asked people to seek the kingdom of God. Seeking is a process I need to adhere to in order to be a follower of His Way.  Just like his twelve disciples were people that lived with him, ate with him, walked with him and watched the Master to learn how he approached situations, how he gave comfort and healing to others, and how he served, I need to read and pray and most of all listen. James 1:19 nails it, “Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to get angry.”

I am struggling with habits destructive to change, however, I keep running into myself. A few weeks ago, I was journaling and heard a speaker on Focus on the Family that was the author of a book called “The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk.” Her name is Shelly Beach. She stated how she realized how so many of her underlying thoughts, below the surface of her consciousness were directly opposed to becoming healthy or passionate for God, even though she was busy living for him, even in full ministry. I struggle with thoughts and habits that are directly opposed to life-affirming responses to God’s promises and that are opposed to seeking His Kingdom.

Grace is unmerited favor that we can never deserve. God uses grace in acting in our life to do what we can’t do on our own and I need to own that, breathe it in deep and get real in it.  Living Life with Jesus day by day and shutting up to listen are such hard and yet vital things for me to take on this year. Practicing the meditation of listening for God whenever I am breathing and being still while still living in the day to day are where I am stumbling forward. We are commanded to be still, but I judge myself when I don’t get enough done or feel misunderstood or called lazy. Still I must look ahead or I will fall behind.

I wish so much that there were a magic bullet or pretty sparkly pill that could fix me in all my messiness or craziness but God doesn’t make the journey that way. In humans, we have an intense desire to achieve and yet our self-will, fallen since Adam, wants the easy way and quick fixes.

There is no quick fix and no easy way. After cancer, I feel even more mixed up and lost than before, and with more issues, but God is with me, I do know that. And…. I am not the only one. This woman’s article that my niece posted is so much of what I have seen, even down to the post chemo issues medically.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2015/03/16/lost-in-transition-after-cancer/?EXIT_URI=http://mobile.nytimes.com/loginReturn?url=/blogs/well/2015/03/16/lost-in-transition-after-cancer/

Wow, those cliffs look high!

Wow, those cliffs look high!

Wow, those cliffs look high!

I can not go up on my own, I can not go down, either. I am faced with a decision: Do I trust God or panic?

“With God, all things are possible” is the Word’s response. I have the choice – do I listen to the negative thoughts and voices that are the familiar ones or do I leap out into the void (for all I know) of hope. I will HOPE. I can believe. I choose faith. I choose to believe the positive things about me and my life.

I believe (note present tense) my best days are ahead of me; my future is far from over, God’s plan for me is the same that He has always had, I am not the author and finisher of my own story.

I have always wanted to write stories, however, I have had an unfortunate lack of mental discipline in the past. Sticking to one subject, one idea, one voice is difficult and with ADD in spades, I have more inspiration and shiny objects than can get me off topic than imaginable.

Blogging, for me, is a way to get things out of my head and into the open. I then, perhaps, can avoid my enemy of overindulging in verbiage. Yes, I am back 19 hours later to confirm that verbiage is a word. That question in my head lead me off into many other directions – including the ‘oh shoot, it’s later than I thought, I need to _____________.’

OK, I’ve lost my compelling need to blog for the afternoon. This is it for today. The JOY of the Lord is my strength. From Nehemiah.

Functional Medicine & Spiritual Journey

“The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition.” ~ Thomas Edison

I am a 50 year old woman who went through chemo for Ovarian and Uterine Cancer in 2013. I lived the first 48 or so years abusing the temple of my body instead of honoring it as a finely crafted workmanship made in the image of my Father God.  Having cancer was the easiest part; surviving chemotherapy with the poison in my body was the more difficult. I am working on an attitude of gratitude that I am content with who I am and what I am learning. I cannot control things or make them better by pretending they aren’t hard. I have always had issues back to my earliest childhood. I am a survivor in many ways. At Celebrate Recovery, I am finding tools to ask the Lord Jesus into my dark and scarred places to bring healing and peace. I need to change how I see myself in order to live at peace with myself.  I had the DS surgery for super super morbid obesity and lost over 300 pounds in nine years. This past year, I am experiencing my first struggle with weight in taking off nearly 30 pounds gained since chemotherapy. God is control. I am looking at 2015 to be my best year yet. I am looking to become a healthier person by incorporating healthy thoughts and eating into my recovery.