I know that Christ asked people to seek the kingdom of God. Seeking is a process I need to adhere to in order to be a follower of His Way. Just like his twelve disciples were people that lived with him, ate with him, walked with him and watched the Master to learn how he approached situations, how he gave comfort and healing to others, and how he served, I need to read and pray and most of all listen. James 1:19 nails it, “Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to get angry.”
I am struggling with habits destructive to change, however, I keep running into myself. A few weeks ago, I was journaling and heard a speaker on Focus on the Family that was the author of a book called “The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk.” Her name is Shelly Beach. She stated how she realized how so many of her underlying thoughts, below the surface of her consciousness were directly opposed to becoming healthy or passionate for God, even though she was busy living for him, even in full ministry. I struggle with thoughts and habits that are directly opposed to life-affirming responses to God’s promises and that are opposed to seeking His Kingdom.
Grace is unmerited favor that we can never deserve. God uses grace in acting in our life to do what we can’t do on our own and I need to own that, breathe it in deep and get real in it. Living Life with Jesus day by day and shutting up to listen are such hard and yet vital things for me to take on this year. Practicing the meditation of listening for God whenever I am breathing and being still while still living in the day to day are where I am stumbling forward. We are commanded to be still, but I judge myself when I don’t get enough done or feel misunderstood or called lazy. Still I must look ahead or I will fall behind.
I wish so much that there were a magic bullet or pretty sparkly pill that could fix me in all my messiness or craziness but God doesn’t make the journey that way. In humans, we have an intense desire to achieve and yet our self-will, fallen since Adam, wants the easy way and quick fixes.
There is no quick fix and no easy way. After cancer, I feel even more mixed up and lost than before, and with more issues, but God is with me, I do know that. And…. I am not the only one. This woman’s article that my niece posted is so much of what I have seen, even down to the post chemo issues medically.